THAT'S ANOTHER STORY I am a man and because of my Father's physical and sexual abuse in the family, I was ashamed of being a man for years. I was seriously abused by my Father. He had his problems as a kid and I had some sympathy for that, but from the age of 5 years I can remember him beating the hell out of my Mother and beating me when I tried to stop him. There were no excuses; Drink, Drugs, alcohol, gambling and sex. He knew the outcomes. To everyone else he was everybody’s friend. It went to his head. I ended up protecting my Mother from a very early age, I remember counselling her and encouraging her and in the end physically assaulted him when I was a teenager. He then stopped. I remember my Mother telling me, very early on, that the beatings were bad, but it was the mental and emotional abuse that was worse. It lowers resistance and reduced confidence. I was to find for myself in my time at school. It is about power and control. Bullying was almost acceptable form of 'competition'. The competitive spirit was encouraged in boy in particular. I got to hate it, because there was no dignity or sense of honour. It was stamp on anyone who gets in your way. This is still true today. What do we expect from what are basically abusive cultures. I learned to 'survive' beating and would not give up. This lead to more beating and I still would not give up to any intimidation or abuse. I had every sympathy for my Mother and all women who suffered in this way. I made few male friends. Most men disgusted me in their general attitudes towards women and each other. Who brings these w**kers up; MEN AND WOMEN. I never ceased to be amazed at how many women choose complete ass holes and wonder why this happens. Well we have of some measure equality now and I have suffered some of my worst psychological and emotional abuse of my life in the last few years, from supposedly 'empowered' women. It is so sad, when we had the chance to bring female qualities into our lives and institutions, so many women decided to join the men in their abusive pursuits. The abuse nearly destroyed my health and it was almost impossible to get heard. One abuser was my ex-Wife and the other was a female Boss. The worst of it was the abusers feigned being abused, or ill, or told to do it by their counsellor / boss, etc. They were found out in the end but did so much damage to me and my kids. The physical bits (and there was some physical abuse) often heal in time the psychological, emotional and heath impact can destroy lives and take longer to heal. I took my usual 'pro-active' approach. I will not give up on abuse of any kind and point the finger whenever I see it. I get a hard time for this, but I will not stop. I will also fight back anyone who is physically, emotionally, intellectually or institutionally abusive, to anyone, whatever their sex. I will even resort to physical force if I have to. No abuse is acceptable, be they men or women. Those that encourage, or ignore it are as bad. Professionals (police, social work, health care) really need to get their acts together. There is too much 'judgment', Too many excuses. Abuse of any kind is unacceptable and does serious long term damage to peoples lives, whatever their sex. Last year I intervened in three teenagers beating up a man. I intervened and the Mother of one of these abusers 'encouraged' him to beat me up. Sick. Men started this whole competitive, bullying style of life and we have a culture which accepts it as normal. Well, even aggressive animals have more respect for their own kind. Sorry, we are all part of this mess and the victims need some help to get out from under the abusive spell. They need to be heard and people need to be more insightful and less judgmental. Look at all the evidence, not just the bruises, look for those who have the smirk and who looks downtrodden. Look for the cocky and those who are in their shadow, look for the good time 'everybody’s friend' pisshead and recognise who is always absent. Look for the mouthy complaining abusive barsteward (Barstess) and listen out about the person being 'slagged' off. There you have it, you have found another fecking bully. Look at our hero's; Alan Sugar, Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsey, Jeremy Kyle. Is there any wonder that we live in an abusive society? Look at police behaviour on Road Wars, (some officers are some of the worst relationship abusers). Yes, it’s all a good laugh, but at who's expense. Some of our female celebrities are no better. It makes news, it makes entertainments, it encourages abuse. Get real people, we live in a 'know it all, one size fits all, off the peg, abusively competitive society'. Erin Pizzey set up her first Woman's Refuge in Chiswick, while I was running a Therapeutic Community in Ealing. I was interested in her initiative because of my abusive experiences as a child a I was then working with significant numbers of people who were suffering the psychological and emotional consequences of childhood abuse, neglect & humiliation. Others suffered because of their brutalisation & humiliation as adults. It was clear that severe Mental Ill Health was a consequence. Like Erin, I recognised that it was mainly women who bare the brunt of 'adult' abuse, but there were also significant numbers of men abused by women. She recognised that women abused children more than was acknowledge and appreciates that the psychological & emotional abuse is the most damaging. Erin Pizzey tells her story to the Daily Mirror and Radio 4. You may be surprised and enlightened. Speak up, Stand up and challenge all abuses, wherever we see them. People should not beat up on people, in any way – visit: www.visitveb.org © Visitweb / Your Choice; June, 2009. | 
Incidentally Women should not beat up on, or intellectually & emotionally abuse Men (or Children, or Women).