How to identify ‘Enabling’ from ‘Disabling’ Professionals, Carers and Volunteers: Some will be good intentioned and some will be antagonistic to people having equal rights. That is life. Our job is to shake out the belligerently disabling and re-educate those who are misguided. Which are you? Enabling Behaviours: You will be treated and spoken too as an equal. They will understand any anger or frustration that you express. They will not judge you for swearing, but may politely ask you to stop’. They will have ‘empathy’, but not condescendingly ‘sympathetic’. They will listen to what you have to say. They will ask you to describe your difficulties and will ask questions that help them get an idea of what your difficulties and wishes are. They will listen to your answers and check they understood correctly. They will accept what you say, in your own terms, but may also describe how this will fit in with what they or others can do for them. If this is not acceptable, they will inform you how this can be changed, or how alternative help found. They will give you honest responses, including any bad news and will ensure that you know what to do next, and how to go about it. They will also start off that process for you, leaving you to do the bits you are capable of and helping out when you get stuck. If you are unhappy; if you have a problem that requires some assistance, they will either help you themselves; make arrangements to get the help you need; or help you make the arrangements to get some help (assuming you are able to). If you have been mistreated, neglected, or in any way abused, shown lack of respect and dignity; they will apologise for the conduct of fellow professionals; contact the appropriate agency to get this dealt with, or deal with the problem directly. If they do not have an answer to your problem, they will say so and either seek to find the answer, or put you in touch with someone who does have the knowledge, answer and the skills to help you. They will also notify them of your basic needs. When you walk out the door, you will feel more informed and empowered than when you walked in. If all they have done is listen, given you is information and a means to sort out your problem and the sense that they are accessible, you will feel supported.
Disabling Behaviours: You will be ‘spoken at’ and treated as if time is critical. You will be judged by the information they have on you & how you speak. They will not understand any anger or frustration, even in response to their condescension and thoughtless behaviour. If you get aggressively critical of their conduct (or a colleagues), they may threaten that you will ‘not get help with that attitude’. If you get angry; you may be asked to leave, or told that they will call security. It is all about control, being in charge. They may express sympathy with your plight. They may come out with ‘stock’ phrases like; ‘I wish that there was something I could do, but ‘you do not meet the criteria’, ‘your problem is not Substantial or Critical, or is outside their ‘domain’. They will be clearly judge you for swearing or getting angry even in response to the above. How you are treated from that point will be very cool and indifferent. There will be uncomfortable silences, or they will ‘tell’ you what you need to do at length. They will not appear to be listening to what you have to say. They will ask you questions, almost as if from a script. If you use certain ‘key words’; they will say thing like ‘that’s not up to us’, or that it is someone else’s responsibility. They will appear to be unaware of any difficulties you are experiencing. They will tend to take what you say literally and never check out what you meant. They will listen out for specific parts of your answers and then respond in their own terms. If you say what they offer is not acceptable, they will inform you this is how it is and may accuse you of refusing the support, or service. There will be very limited options offered and these will be determined by them, or the person providing the service. They will give you defensive responses, or tell you outright that you are not entitled to a service, or that you will have to compromise. They are unlikely to discuss alternative arrangements (unless you have access to ‘professional’ knowledge) If you are unhappy; if you have a problem that requires some assistance, they will tell you; ‘Sorry, but I really can’t understand what it is you are asking for’. Some may even say things like – ‘I really don’t think we can help you. Try some someone else’. If you explain that have been mistreated, neglected, or in any way abused, shown lack of respect and dignity; they will say how shocking that is, but if you are angry assume you are exaggerating. They may offer you a leaflet, or tell you how to complain. If they do not have an answer to your problem, they will happily tell you where to go. They are unlikely to notify others of your basic needs, or facilitate your contact with these alternatives. You may get another leaflet and be told to go to Citizens Advice.
When you walk out their door, you will feel more confused and disempowered than when you walked in. If all they have done is talk down to you, given you information you already knew, with no means to sort out your problems; you may feel you have lost confidence in that service all together. You will feel let down, isolated, especially if this is not the first time. If how you were treated did not match the website information, the poster that you read, or the ‘good’ experiences others say they had; you may feel that you are being unreasonable, or else feel that you are being a burden. Alternatively, you may feel justifiably very angry. You will feel ‘disabled’; either disabled by the resulting anger you are experiencing, or the powerlessness that you experience; as a victim of neglectful, abusive and controlling attitudes, of someone who expresses their professional powers through ‘control’. Treated like and object, or a problems, taking up their precious time. There are some links on the right that may be helpful: © Terry Couchman; Visitweb / Your Choice; June, 2009. |
