Leaving the Family Home:Leaving the Family Home can be distressing in it own right, whatever the reason. If the Abuse you are experiencing is within the Family, or is someone who comes into the family home, you will have considered and may have even disclosed this to someone who hoped would be able to help. Child, or Adolescent:In the case of a child being abused by an Adult in the family home, you may feel that the problem has not been adequately dealt with. Like many children in this situation, you may have considered leaving home. Before doing this please make sure you have exhausted all other possible options. Sometimes you may still feel that leaving home is your only option. The problem is, this puts you at considerable social and physical risk. If this is you decision, please ensure that you get good advice in your locality. There is usually appropriate accommodation that can be obtained from Social Services and help that can be gained from the NSPCC & Salvation Army. Make contact, at least by phone, with your local Child and Family Services, or Call: Childline: 0800 1111 Website Adult Leaving Partner:Without Children: If there are no children involved your decision is simply one of considering whether you feel you are entitled to keep the accommodation you occupy, or leave to get new accommodation. You will usually have some residential rights, even if the accommodation was not originally yours. If you are the person being abused and have maintained good evidence of this, you are very likely to be able to get a Court Order to have the person leave and to remain away. You will need legal advice on you particular situation. It will vary according to many factors. Even given this advice, you may feel that you most secure action is still to leave and obtain your own independent accommodation. If this is you decision it is still worth getting legal advice, keep record of events and take legal action that you are advised to take. You can always take up legal options later, having established a safe haven. If you have Family, or Friends that you can stay with while you sort things out that can be helpful. Ensure that your choice is secure in the event that there may continue to be harassment from your partner. Staying with someone can be helpful for support and as witness of any Problems that follow you. If you are relatively isolated this arrangement may not be feasible. If you are a Woman and have suffered and are threatened with abuse, then there is always the option of going to a Women's Refuge. There is not the same kind of arrangement for Men in this situation but local Hostels and YMCA may be helpful. It is very difficult for men to get support in this situation, unless you have other problems that may give you priority. It is still worth approaching the local Housing Authority / Housing Association, to see what accommodation options are available to you (including temporary accommodation). You can register with them at least and get local advice on the accommodation available. You may also be entitled to a 'Deposit Bond'. In any case, if you find problems in getting alternative accommodation, it is worth seeking advice from the local Citizens Advice service. It is worth having this information and a contingency plan in place, when you first realise that things are becoming a problem. In any event. Remember that Abusive situations can have a bigger impact upon us than we had realised. There can be quite a shock at leaving an abusive situation and it can feel quite strange. There is the sense of relief and safely but there can also be an apprehension and even a sense of 'loss', drawing you back. You may need to give yourself the time and opportunity to think through and work out what happened in this phase of your life. It is so easy to find yourself back in the same situation, with the same person, or someone worse. Just take care and take your time. If there is something worth saving from the relationship, it will wait. With Children: f there are children involved your decision is affected by their needs and your own. You may have to consider whether to keep the accommodation you occupy, or leave to get new accommodation. You will usually have good residential rights, even if the accommodation was not originally yours, the security of the children is primary.. If you are the person being abused and have maintained good evidence of this, you are very likely to be able to get a Court Order to have the person removed, or to leave and to remain away, with condition for contact. You will need legal advice on you particular situation. It will vary according to many factors. Even given this advice, you may feel that you most secure action is still to leave and obtain your own independent accommodation. If this is you decision it is still worth getting legal advice, keep record of events and take legal action that you are advised to take. You can always take up legal options later, having established a safe haven. If you have Family, or Friends that you can stay with while you sort things out that can be helpful. Ensure that your choice is secure in the event that there may continue to be harassment from your partner. The options will vary according to whether your children are at risk of abuse or not. If you have evidence that they are at risk from your partner, you need to take the opportunity, if you can, to make arrangements to stay in the home, and get the your partner removed. Where there is an incidence of physical violence the police help. Where there is good evidence of risk of abuse, you will get help with this from Social Services. You need to be very proactive in this though. They will want to feel secure that you are in a position to take action to have the partner removed and maintain the children's safety. They will be their key concern. This said, they then have an obligation to support you in supporting your children. It should be a partnership. An arrangement between yourself and them to ensure the children's and your safety. There can be no compromise with this but you do have choices and these should be made clear to you. If you have had bad experiences with social services in the past and are concerned for their over-reaction and lack of respect for your wishes, then get support and guidance from a local Voluntary, or Charitable organisation who can speak for you and your children. NSPCC can help: Link to: NSPCC Help Line for adults:
Tel: 0808 800 5000, If it is your decision to leave the family home, to go to a refuge, a friend or family, or to get your own accommodation, you are advised to register with the local Housing Authority. Always get legal advice and secure you position with a home and the children as soon as you can. Don't be intimidated. Collect and keep evidence of events and incidents If you are a Woman in this vulnerable position there is always an option to go to a Women's Refuge. Men in this position do not have the same options and can find it difficult to get the support they need. There is sometime prejudice by agencies, including Social Services, Police, & Contact Centres, etc.. The assumption is usually that the Mother is best fitted to have residency of the children and children will often opt to be with Mother when there is contention. Remember, historically it has been women and children who have been abused. It is quite recent that the reverse has become increasingly common. Children are also in an ambiguous situation, even where they are being abused or neglected. It is not unusual for children to still want constant contact with any parent, even when they are being abused by them. These attachments are very strong and forced separation can be as abusive in their minds as remaining in the situation. Your own physical, emotional and psychological safety and security is important for the support of yourself and your children. The physical, emotional & psychological safety of the children is important in their own right. A decision for yourself may be different from that needed for your children. These need separating out. Sensible arrangements for contact will have to be made, with appropriate advice. In any event: Remember that Abusive situations can have a bigger impact upon us than we had realised. There can be quite a shock at leaving an abusive situation and it can feel quite strange. There is the sense of relief and safely but there can also be an apprehension and even a sense of 'loss', drawing you back. You may need to give yourself the time and opportunity to think through and work out what happened in this phase of your life. It is so easy to find yourself back in the same situation, with the same person, or someone worse. Just take care and take your time. If there is something worth saving from the relationship, it will wait. Once you are safe, secure and stable, that is the time to get further advice and decide what you are going to do for the longer term. If you are married you will need to consider separation, divorce or reconciliation, with all the requirements necessary to protect the children. If a separation is permanent it is worth sorting out property rights and personal possessions early on. These things can hang around giving opportunity for further conflict and contention. Use the Family Mediation Service where you can. It takes the heat out o the situation. Forgive by all means, but never forget.  This page is in the stage of preparation.
There are some links on the right that may be helpful: | Childline: 0800 1111 Website NSPCC: NSPCC Help Line for adults: 0808 800 5000, NSPCC Under 18 Web Site, Salvation Army: YMCA:
Community Legal Advice:Victim Support Website Witness Support (UK) Criminal Justice System UK. Website CJS online.gov.uk - Witness CJS online.gov.uk - Victim Domestic Violence, Abuse and Harassment: Leaflet Dealing with the Police. Dissatisfied with conduct towards self, or another: Leaflet Racial Discrimination - Leaflet Personal Injury - Leaflet Victim Support Service: Violent Crime - Leaflet Rape & Sexual Assault - Information National Association for People Abused in Childhood - Website Rape and Sexual Assault - information for Men - Leaflet Rape and Sexual Assault - information for Women - Leaflet Survivors UK - Website Legal Aid Services UK: www.legalservices.gov.uk Legal Services Commission (LSC) run the legal aid scheme in England and Wales. LSC - OnlineThe LSC provide information, advice & legal representation to help two million people each year get access justice.  CLS Website
The Community Legal Service (CLS) helps people with 'civil' legal problems such as family breakdown, debt and housing.
 CLA WebsiteThis website offers free, confidential and independent legal advice for residents of England and Wales Free, confidential legal advice: 0845 345 4 345 Click: CLA Charges  CDS Link
The Criminal Defence Service (CDS) helps people who are under police investigation, or facing criminal charges.
NOTE: This Document is still at some stage of development. You are invited to respond and comment on its content and its logic. If you return to the document at a future date, you will be able to see its continued development, hopefully reflecting your own and others commentary. I thank you, in advance, for any contribution that you make. Please also feel free to visit and contribute, in any valid way, to these and other social issues, through our Forums. There is also a Chat Room and protected Chat Space for more serious group discussions and individual counselling. Please feel free o use this space for your legitimate activities. Copyright: Although you will see very few reference to other formal writings in this document, I acknowledge general recognition to the discussions and debates that I have had with students, practitioners and clients over the years. Most of the ideas and theory has evolved through this rather pragmatic process (operational research), rather than any formal reading. If any content of this document describes concepts, theory, or ideas that have been established else where, (prior to my writing, either here or else where - in part or in full), I acknowledge their entitlement to claim them as their intellectual property for financial purposes, if they can evidence this. I also reserve the right to retain them as my intellectual property, with due recognition to those who have made direct contributions, including other writers, should I identify such a past influences. Other than this, I invite you to share and copy any content, to the benefit of intellectual debate and the benefit of individuals and groups, without restriction, other than it be used for constructive purpose, in the wider context of my writing. Should you wish to use any material presented here 'as is', I ask that you then make reference to myself and the web site. The 'Reading Date' would be a useful 'publishing date' for the Current Edition. 1980 is the core publishing date for most of the basic ideas and theory (unless stated otherwise). This 'Reading Date' may be an important part of this 'reference', as the document (by its 'internet fluid' nature) will be constantly changing and this may affect meaning and interpretation, for those following up on such a reference at a later date. Thank you for your cooperation. TRC. eMail: terry.couchman@visitweb.org |
