Future Guidence:If you find yourself in one of those situations where the attack is still in progress. You are held prisoner, or fear leaving because the assailant is still in the immediate vicinity, tell the police this (if you can or course, perhaps going to the toilet, etc.), they are likely to respond quicker. Mobile phones are useful for this and if you are able to do an emergency call, without speaking, it will at least get the emergency services interested in what is happening. In defending yourself try and give them them clues of you whereabouts, without giving away the phone is in use. Any physical intrusion, or physical constraint, that is not Lawfully Undertaken, with the least necessary force and for good reason of protecting yourself, or others, is an assault by any standards. What constitutes an assault is Law is slightly different and will vary from country to country and over time. Start by assuming it is an assault, unless there are obvious indicators that this is a 'legal' intervention. In any case, if there is risk of injury, protect yourself as well as you can, using as much force as you feel necessary to protect yourself, then remove yourself, as quickly as you can, from the situation. Fighting back in revenge and anger is likely to wear you out and, if your assailant is bigger, stronger, fitter, or less inhibited than you, you are likely to become tired before them and suffer further injury. Try and stay calm and plan your next more coolly. Hopefully by doing this, they will be more nervous than you and will make mistakes. If the attack is of a sexual nature and you are thinking calmly before the attack has progressed too far, it is worth bearing in mind that sex attackers will often like the 'fight' that tends to ensue. If you are calm and 'sympathetic, this may disable them. If you play like 'sister' (or 'brother'), this may disable the person even more. There are no guarantees but try what you can, think on you feet. Mention things that may put them off, use your imagination, but don't overplay your act. The idea is to bid for time and opportunity. To delay without inflaming and possibly even disabling them. It is also a chance to assess the person and the situation. Opportunity to collect information. If any approach seems to become counter productive, switch strategy suddenly, but not too dramatically, then blow hot & cold (warm & cool would be a better description). Sometimes creating 'uncertainty' can disorientate and disempower an attacker. Mild anger and frustration, alternating with frustrated tears can be disabling & buy you time. You may have used this before, in personal relationships. If you feel brave enough and it 'feels' right at the time (especially if you have reached the point where you feel you have nothing to loose) you could try the 'bring it on' approach. This is not saying 'do it', that is not a good strategy, but it is a kind of "Well, if you are going to do this, why not get on with it, 'BUT' " approach. Some may call it 'passive aggressive' style. Judge what words to use and the style, on the basis of what you have learned so far. Something like: "OK go with it boy/man/girl, if you can/must - if this is the only way you can get off!" , " . . . . if this is the way you make yourself 'feel' big", " . . . . . god, how pathetic can you get", " . . . . . why do you have to be so selfish", " . . . . . god, I just cant be bothered with all this". " . . . . . I have had enough now - get on with it for f**k sake". This style of approach can be 'paradoxical'; Where the person feels that they have permission in some way, but at the same time, it doesn't not feel real and (& here is the BUT), they have lost some of the power & control, the price they are paying is a 'put down' of some kind (the subtler the better - keeps them thinking). If the person 'feels' put down but does not know 'how' it happened, it can be very disempowering. If you do get skilled at this, never use it on a 'friend'. In being subtle, you also reduce the risk of an immediate violent reaction to the being put down. The more you make them think and struggle with what is happening the more time you buy. Try out subtle put downs and 'disempowerments' with friends (with their agreement of course) and see how far you can push these. Alternative, find a real, deserving target, like a bullying boss, or, but start of very gentle and build up. This kind of approach is called 'paradoxical' because it set up a paradox for the person. Practice it and get it right and it can be very powerful. I use a form of this in Therapy, when someone is having a bad time letting go of blaming themselves for something terrible that has happened, which they could not have had anything 'directly' to do with. After the usual attempts to reassure the person and mitigate the distress they are feeling, I will quite suddenly, but gently say something like; Well,' . . . . perhaps you are right . . . .maybe you did have a part to play on it! They will usually then respond by arguing the opposite to what I have said. they snap out of blaming themselves, or are so stunned that I would suggest something so ridiculous they they realise they were too. Then play the 'pseudo passive' role; where you are still resisting but not in any apparently 'active' way. You become more loose & more relaxed but position yourself and take postures that make it hard work to get a purchase on you, or access too you. You are actually playing 'incompetent', appearing unable to competently Use this strategy for as long as it buys you some time. If it wears thin, or increased aggression, or 'excitement', switch to another strategy, 'slightly' opposite to the current one. Get a sense, if you are given the time, of what is working and what antagonises the situation. Information is key to you gaining and maintaining control. Giving 'false impressions' is you opportunity to confuse and confound, taking away control from them. Practice other possibilities with friends. Think how you have dealt with obstreperous partners, boyfriends, girlfriend, brothers & sisters. You can play the the warm and cool physical strategy too; in this scenario you are physically 'active resistive' & then become 'pseudo passive resistive'. Both cases are resisting but the method changes: In being 'actively resistive' you are 'actively' resisting attempts of assault in some way (any way you reasonably and safely can really), in the case of 'pseudo passive' resistance, you just get into a position and 'loosen up' in ways where it is difficult for the person to get purchase on, and access to you. It is an act, you are in control and they have to respond. By constantly doing this in varying ways you put them at some disadvantage and you gain confidence and increased control over your situation. Basically you need to get to the basic character of the person. What basically makes them tick. Is it to do with Power, is it Sex, is it Frustration, Impotence, Stupidity, Drunkenness, Drugs. Are they Psychotic, Cold, Calculating, Cocky, Confident, Vindictive, You have to judge the situation, but if you have nothing to loose just adjust the punch line to suit the level of danger. If the 'injury' danger is 'very high' then a more submissive punch line is called for. If the general 'injury' danger is 'low' It is your call. Do what you need to do at the time and stay as calm as you can, taking note of features and things said. This will be useful later. Use any object near to hand and use it in your defence, with the minimum of force necessary to disable the attack, without intending to permanently damage someone and only with the intention to defend yourself adequately.  This page is in the stage of preparation.
There are some links on the right that may be helpful: | NOTE:This Document is still at some stage of development. You are invited to respond and comment on its content and its logic. If you return to the document at a future date, you will be able to see its continued development, hopefully reflecting your own and others commentary. I thank you, in advance, for any contribution that you make. Please also feel free to visit and contribute, in any valid way, to these and other social issues, through our Forums. There is also a Chat Room and protected Chat Space for more serious group discussions and individual counselling. Please feel free o use this space for your legitimate activities. Copyright: Although you will see very few reference to other formal writings in this document, I acknowledge general recognition to the discussions and debates that I have had with students, practitioners and clients over the years. Most of the ideas and theory has evolved through this rather pragmatic process (operational research), rather than any formal reading. If any content of this document describes concepts, theory, or ideas that have been established else where, (prior to my writing, either here or else where - in part or in full), I acknowledge their entitlement to claim them as their intellectual property for financial purposes, if they can evidence this. I also reserve the right to retain them as my intellectual property, with due recognition to those who have made direct contributions, including other writers, should I identify such a past influences. Other than this, I invite you to share and copy any content, to the benefit of intellectual debate and the benefit of individuals and groups, without restriction, other than it be used for constructive purpose, in the wider context of my writing. Should you wish to use any material presented here 'as is', I ask that you then make reference to myself and the web site. The 'Reading Date' would be a useful 'publishing date' for the Current Edition. 1980 is the core publishing date for most of the basic ideas and theory (unless stated otherwise). This 'Reading Date' may be an important part of this 'reference', as the document (by its 'internet fluid' nature) will be constantly changing and this may affect meaning and interpretation, for those following up on such a reference at a later date. Thank you for your cooperation. TRC. eMail: terry.couchman@visitweb.org |
