Music to the ears

"Just because you are Paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you!!!" - Its an old one but still holds true :-)

Advice regarding 'Conspiracy Theories'.
There are conspiracies, of course, but mostly; what consistently appear to be organised attempts to make our lives unbearable are actually 'collective cock-ups'. (A Perspective from Social Psychiatry).

Think of the suffering of Others and your will feel better:
"There are time in our lives when, sadly, we have to face the distressing consequences of mental ill health, for ourselves, or those that are close to us. At these times, think of the poor psychiatrist, who has to do this every day for most of their adult life; and on top of that, they then have to go to work and see this in others also!".

Its true though,
If you think you may develop a social problem of some kind, its a good idea to train in the profession which best suits the problem you expect to get. You can then get away with having the problem, without having to get it sorted. hence; social workers, therapists, alcohol counsellors, and, of course Psychiatrists, etc. Doesn't say much for the Police though, does it? :-)

Come on - send us your contributions.

How about some acronyms, better still some anacronyms (anarchistic acronyms) Simon.

Patient, "Hi Nurse, I have a problem"

Nurse, "OK - take a seat and tell me all about it".

Well, my wife and I have only been married a couple of months and she told me last night that she was pregnant".

Nurse "Well that's lovely for you both. What is the problem?".

When I go on holiday I often forget what day of the week it is and at night I tend to fall over and also get lost on my way back to the hotel. I am worried that I may be getting Dementia.

Is there anything I can do to stop this happening, as I have a wife who is getting very peed off with me calling her by my girlfriend's name. The last thing I want is to be divorced again, especially if I am loosing my marbles.

My manager is also beginning to suspect that there is something wrong. He told me that he is thinking of sending me to Rehab, wherever that is. Until recently he was quite happy with me working in the States and even Japan. I think he is trying to tell me something?

Is paranoia a symptom of Dementia? I asked a mate of mine what he thought and he said I am just being stupid. I thought that was quite abusive myself. What do you think?

Anyway, I would be glad of your opinion as I am going to Glastonbury next week and last year I couldn't find my my tent after the third day. It had all my drugs in it and I was well chilled out till that point.

Police found the tent for me eventually. I didn't even ask them. Bloody drugs were gone though, thieving barstewards! You never see a stoned copper though, do you. They must sell it all on, I guess.

Mind you. I did see a video on U-Tube, of a bunch of them standing round a bonfire of confiscated grass. You may have seen it. There were nearly 20 of the buggers 'supervising' the destruction of the stuff. Like, that is so necessary!

Thanks anyway. That suggestion you made about the toilet seat being up when I use it and down when I am finished; has worked well.

Wife is no longer complaining about the dribbles and about her 'falling down the hole' at night. Bloody toilet is cold on my arse though, so I decided to put the seat down when I am 'sitting', if you know what I mean. I assume that's ok.

Oh yes. I nearly forgot. I found a way to get round your concerns about me setting fire to myself if I nod off, smoking a spliff. Wife bought me a Bong for Christmas, so the problems solved.

Cheers. Look forward to hearing from you!

M Jagger.